My Secret Swinger Finger Code, Revealed!

As I've mentioned, I'm aspie. While generally I am able to read people's attraction and make negotiating consent erotic, I'm terrible at reading my partner. This can become a difficult situation when on a swinger date and I can't tell if he's into the other people or not, and since swinger dates usually go the smoothest if the women initiate next steps of intimacy (in my experience), this is a problem. So, we developed a solution- finger signals! Since we usually are holding hands (given that we, you know, like each other), it's easy to discreetly share information about interest quickly. Here's how you can do it too!

IT STARTS WITH A DOUBLE TAP

A firm double tap on the front or back of the hand is how you signal, "I am asking you how you feel about them" or "I am telling you how I feel about them." This is *very important* because it means the difference between idle stroking or rubbing of your sweeties hand being misinterpreted as a signal, and actually effectively and clearly communicating. It also serves to draw their attention to the point of contact to "listen."

THEN, RUB FIRMLY

Rub firmly along the following fingers to send the following messages:

Thumb: Full stop we need to GTFO of this date like, right now. Pretend you have to puke, whatever we gotta do, need to leave immediately.

Pointer Finger: I'd like to move forward, as in, lets invite them to whatever is next in a regular date progression. If out somewhere, invite them home. If chilling on the couch, invite them to make out and make sexytimes. I feel good about sexing them.

Middle Finger: Holy shit how fast can we get these people in bed they are fiiiiine.

Ring Finger: This is kind of a freebie finger, that you can decide on how to use it. For me, I use it to signal to my partner, "something is weird about their dynamic and I'd like to double check it before moving forward." My partner, at my request, uses it to indicate when I've wandered on to a weird or not sexy topic of conversation. You make up what it means for you.

Pinky Finger: I'm having fun but don't want to take it sexual. This could be for a variety of reasons: just not feeling that vibe, you suddenly are having GI issues, your period just started, whatever. You can sort out the why and if you want to invite them for another date later, afterwards.

We then have a system where he will give me a poke when it's a good time to initiate making out, since I've had women literally tell me "you could have started kissing me half an hour ago," I'm a little oblivious about when it's a good time to suggest moving stuff forward...

VARIENTS

During Sex: In the moment, we use thumb to indicate "full stop," pointer finger to indicate "all's good!," ring finger to indicate "lets change up what we're doing," and pinky finger to indicate "lets wrap this up soon."

Toes: Uh, we're still figuring out how to do this with toes, but it's theoretically possible. I have trouble converting a toe to a finger association. Let me know if you make this work for you.

Multi-player mode: If you have multiple people on a swinger date, and need to figure out where the whole group is at, the method we've found is to have one person the designated "information collector" and another person or people the designated "instigator." We also designate the ring finger as a way for female group members to indicate, "I'm not into their dude but into a group dynamic where I don't interact with him much." The info collector takes the collected finger responses, adds their own, and conveys the lowest common denominator to the instigator. Since we are usually 2+ women and one man going on swinger dates, as long as one of the women is interested in the dude we will indicate move forward.